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The Feedback in Advance File

What is feedback?


An advantage of belonging to a culture and a community is that you can learn from other people's achievements and failures. To help new students do this, we make previous students' achievements available, list the kind of mistakes they made, and summarise the feedback that was given on their work.

This file lists nice and naughty things. Nice things being ones that mean you learn more, or get better results for your efforts. Naughty things mean you learn less, or get unsatisfactory results. Points are added to it as students actually do something wrong, and you will be directed to points on it in feedback on your essay. In this way you will learn from our own mistakes, but by reading the file now you will learn (far less painfully) from other people's mistakes.

 

Be nice to yourself

Look in the right place

Check frequently

Use the web

Be an early bird

Submitting work

Presentation

Self Assess Carefully

Spelling and punctuation

Grammar

Vocabulary

Style

Bibliography & references

Draft and Essay Check List

Be nice to yourself

You must forgive yourself when you make mistakes. That is how you learn. Do not give up when you make mistakes. That is how you fail.

Remember that people who give advice (like this list) may be wrong. If you think your tutors are always right, you are wrong. If your tutor is Andrew Roberts, you are very wrong.

Look in the right place

Use the methods suggested to you for contacting Andrew Roberts. (At groups, by telephone, by the web). There is no "office" where you will find him. Following the advice you are given about the way to contact over a particular issue may save you a lot of frustration. For example, when you are asked to telephone, that is because the issue can be sorted quickly by telephone (when Andrew can look at and alter your computer files).

Check frequently

Sort things out quickly

Students should check their entry under the
Student List to make sure that their submissions are in order.(Frequently means at least once a week. If there is something wrong with a submission, this will be shown on the Student List. If you see it in time, you may be able to put it right.

Check your Student List feedback regularly and act on it promptly. The longer an issue is left, the more difficult it is to sort out.

As well as checking frequently during the course, everyone should check after their final submission. The feedback may include an opportunity to resubmit to avoid failure, or a request to phone Andrew Roberts. Students who do not check and act on such entries well before the Assessment Board, will lose any opportunity to correct errors.

Use the web

Plan to spend time each week using the web resouces.

Get used to the web edition of the ABC Study Guide. (Start by reading what it says under Essays and Referencing)

Use the links from Essay Titles to find out what the essay is about. When you have chosen your essay, use the advice and the links to find the most useful resources. Do not be one of those students who says "If only I had known what help there was".

Be an early bird

On any course, you should begin your essay drafts and preparation for examinations as soon as possible. The beginning of a course is a suitable time to start. This helps you to focus, and not become overwhelmed, and gives you the time to do quality work. It is a mistake to leave drafting essays and exam answers to a few weeks before the essay is due in or the exam is to be sat. Drafting should usually start near the beginning of a course.

These modules require you to begin work at the start of the course. Make sure you know the dates on the Calendar


Bibliography & references check list

SHE essays that are not properly referenced will fail. See the SHE Assessment Rules. We try to warn you if your draft does not contain adequate references and we give you an opportunity to resubmit if you do fail. But it is better to learn and demonstrate good referencing in your plan, draft and essay than to be resubmitting work after you have finished the module.

Click here for the list of referencing faults that will fail your essay

You should start drafting your bibliography when you start reading

The Harvard system requires a bibliography at the end of the essay that is related to references in the essay.

You begin drafting the bibliography with the first book you read on the essay. Let us say that this is Social Science History. Your bibliography entry for this will be:

Roberts, A. is the key word (usually the author of the book) and 1997 is the key number (usually the date the book was published).

When you read another book, add it to the bibliography using the same system: Key word, Key number, Title, Publisher

In the final bibliography the entries should be in alphabetical order of key word.

Do not number the bibliography entries. The reader finds the correct entry by looking for the key word from the reference, which is found alphabetically in the bibliography. Numbers are pointless and confusing.

A bibliography entry should contain sufficient detail for the publication referred to to be identified. Using a reference and the bibliography together, the reader should be able to trace the publication and find the page referred to. The page number is given in references, not in the bibliography.

The same key words and numbers that you used in the bibliography are used in the body of the essay to provide references.

This is an example of how it is done, taken from a draft essay written by Brigitte Gerty:

The reference (Roberts, A. 1997 p.39) tells the reader that the paragraph draws information from page 39 of Roberts, A. 1997. To find out what Roberts, A. 1997 is, the reader looks in the bibliography. (Click on the red, and see how the bibliography and reference relate)

Use (curved brackets) for all your references. The reader may be identifying references by these. Other types of [brackets}, or no brackets, may mean the reader misses the referencing.

The book you should reference is the book you use.

Many students fail because they copy references from the books they are using, instead of providing their own. For example, if you are reading Social Science History, the page numbers should be to Social Science History and it should be clear that that is your source.

You should know how to reference the words of one author when quoted in a book by another author

In the ABC Study Guide, and on the web, there is a general guide to referencing the works of one author from the work of another. It deals with referencing quotes and referencing extracts.

Click here for the web guide to referencing quotes and extracts, and referring to an author mentioned by someone else.

Click here for an example from Social Science History.

I have also dealt with referring to an author, mentioned by someone else, without referencing the original author. This is a problem that arises when an author reviews a series of other authors, who you want to mention, but you do not believe you need to give bibliographic details for authors apart from the main one. For example, in Totem and Taboo Freud refers to a large number of nineteenth century theorists. You need to reference Totem and Taboo, but referencing the theorists he writes about could become very tedious.

Referencing works quoted in the printed Social Science History

There are two ways in which other works are reproduced in Social Science History.

quotations within the essays

When you reference a quotation from another book made in one of Andrew Roberts' essays in Social Science History you will want to indicate that you have requoted a quotation.

If the quotation is a passage from Rousseau's Emile on page 73 of Social Science History, you could have this reference for the Emile quotation:

(Rousseau 1762, quoted Roberts, A. 1997 p.73).

In the bibliography you will need these two entries:

Roberts, A. 1997 Social Science History Middlesex University.
Rousseau 1762) Emile

extracts in the "In their own words" section

The extracts are primary sources. The "In their own words" section can be treated like an edition of those primary sources, even though only part is reproduced.

You will want to show that the reference is to the primary source, (Rousseau's The Social Contract, for example), but that the page numbers are those in Andrew Roberts' Social Science History. Let us say that the quotation you are making is from page 136:

Make the reference (Rousseau 1762 p.136) and show in the bibliography that the page numbers are from Social Science History.

In the bibliography you will need these two entries:

Roberts, A. 1997 Social Science History Middlesex University.
Rousseau 1762 The Social Contract, page numbers from the extracts in Roberts, A. 1997.

distinguishing two books by the same author published in the same year.

If you reference Rousseau's Emile and his The Social Contract, you will need to distinguish them, because they were both published in 1762. One way of doing this is to label one "Rousseau 1762a" and the other "Rousseau 1762b". Another way is to use the initials of the title to differentiate. Rousseau's Emile could be Rousseau 1762(E), and his The Social Contract could be Rousseau 1762(SC).

The following passage combines all these points:

In Emile, Rousseau speaks of women being "ruled by authority" (Rousseau 1762(E), quoted Roberts, A. 1997 p.74). I will compare this with Rousseau's arguments about freedom in The Social Contract (Rousseau 1762(SC) pp 146-150)

Bibliography

Roberts, A. 1997 Social Science History Middlesex University.
Rousseau 1762(SC) The Social Contract, page numbers from the extracts in Roberts, A. 1997.
Rousseau 1762(E) Emile



Have you read the ABC Study Guide section on referencing?
Click here for web guidance on referencing

SILLY MISTAKE TO AVOID: "I already know the Harvard System, I will not bother reading the Study Guide." Different systems are called Harvard by different people. The one used in the Study Guide is based on the standard for the Social Sciences and for Middlesex University. You will find it is consistent with the leaflet about Social Science Referencing available in Middlesex University libraries. There is a slightly different system used in Literature and the Humanities. Sometimes students have been taught systems that mix the numbering system with the Harvard system. Do not use these on SHE. To avoid failing you must study the Study Guide.

Guidance specific to your essay title

SHE students should check the web notes that can be found by following the link to their essay title, from the Student List. The notes sometimes include guidance or examples of how to reference particular books.

YOU WILL FAIL SHE IF:


We may excuse the following mistakes, but draw them to your attention:
  • Only quotes are referenced [But this could considerably reduce your grade because the evidence for what you say will not be clear]
  • Some references do not have page numbers. [For the same reason, this may reduce your garde]
  • Some page numbers are given in the bibliography.
  • Key word is not used correctly.
  • Title used in the reference. (It should be in the bibliography)
  • Phrases like "op.cit" and "ibid" are used.
  • The bibliography is not in alphabetical order by key word.
  • The bibliography is numbered.
  • The same book is entered repeatedly in the bibliography
  • Fancy fonts or justification are used for the bibliography in a way that confuses the reader.
  • References are not all in (curved brackets).

ADEQUATE REFERENCES

You have to "fully reference" your essay. There is no precise definition of what "fully" means here. As a rule of thumb, on SHE, we usually accept an essay with at least two references on every page. You may have many more, but if you have less than two per page you should ask yourself why?

Do you understand that all quotes must be referenced?

Do you realise that just referencing quotes is not enough?

Have you referenced your sources apart from quotes?

Have you referenced your arguments?

Is there any information that you should have referenced?

For advice on what you should reference, see the ABC Study Guide
or click here for the web version

Some examples and exercise

Do you understand the general theory of the Harvard system?

See the ABC Study Guide
Click here for the standard form of the Harvard system.

Some of the commonest faults in referencing are because the student has not grasped the basic theory. A frequent example is that the student uses a key word in the essay references that he or she does not use as the first word in the matching bibliography entry. Other errors are using the title in the references instead of (or as well as) a key word and number. To make sure that you understand the theory, read the web guidance on the standard form of the Harvard system (above) and then work through the following exercise:

In the following passage from an essay, see if you can identify:

    the reference
    the key word
    the key number
    the page number.
Then look at the corresponding bibliography entry.
    "John Locke (1632-1704), was an English philosopher and state of nature theorist thought of as one of the founders of liberal theory (Roberts, A. 1997 pp.49). I will try to explain in the essay Locke's ideas of science, comparing them to those of David Hume, Mary Wollstonecraft and to mine. David Hume (1711-1776) was a Scottish moral philosopher, historian and man of letters. He was known for his scepticism and empiricism and for his application of inferential methods to human nature and the science of man. (Colliers 1994, vol.12, p.352)."

    Bibliography:

    Colliers Encyclopedia, 1994, [Publisher?]

    Roberts, A. 1997 Social Science History. Six Essays for Budding Theorists. All Saints Bookshop, Enfield Campus, Middlesex University

Where is the title? (Is it in the reference or the bibliography?).

Why do the key word and the key number appear at the beginning of the reference and at the beginning of the bibliography entry?

Where does the page number appear (Is it in the reference or the bibliography?)

Notice that this student has referenced the source of his material apart from quotes.

Notice that the key word is usually the author's final name. When you do not know the author you can use another key word. In this case, the first word of the title of Colliers Encyclopedia is used. Whatever the key word in the reference, the same word must be the first one in the bibliography so that the reader can find it when looking down the bibliography in alphabetical order. The student could have named the publisher.

You will find a fairly comprehensive range of special cases outlined in the ABC Study Guide. Click here for the web version. (If you find a more comprehensive range elsewhere, could you show it to me?)


Can you distinguish two books with the same publication date?

The following example uses an out of date SHE Handbook and Study Guide. In it I use the normal method of adding a or b to the key number, whereas on page 2 of the SHE Handbook you will see I use a different method.

    "Mary Wollstonecraft sees passion "as the inspiration for the experiments that develop reason" (Roberts, A. 1998a p.23). Reason is something that lets us get results from our mind before we test them by experience. (Roberts, A. 1998b, p.27)."

    Bibliography

    Roberts, A. 1998a, SHE Handbook. All Saints Bookshop, Enfield Campus, Middlesex University.

    Roberts, A. 1998b, Study Guide for Middlesex University Students on Enfield Campus: All Saints Bookshop, Enfield Campus, Middlesex University.


Are you clear whose words you are quoting? The following is an example of a misleading reference:

    Hume agreed with Locke that "science is built on sorting out the relationships between our ideas to make sure that they correspond to the relationship between objects in the real world." (Hume. D quoted Roberts, A. 1997 p.56).
It is misleading because the words quoted are by Andrew Roberts, not David Hume.


Do you recognise the economy of labour in the Harvard system?

Sometimes students repeat entries in the bibliography with different page numbers for each reference. The Harvard system puts the page numbers in the references (Roberts, A. 1997 p.20) .... (Roberts, A. 1997 p.140). The book is then only listed once in the bibliography:


Can you see what is missing from each of the following references?





Bibliography

examples and exercise

fully referenced means

How to fail

keynumber in bibliography matches keynumber in references

keyword in bibliography matches keyword in references

Quoting Quotes

References

Silly mistake to avoid  

Draft and Essay Check List
Self-check every aspect of your draft/s and essay, using the smiling faces below and the index on the right.

Make sure you have thought carefully about the guidance given on the kind of essay a course wants.

    SHE students have specific guidance called THE KIND OF ESSAY WE WANT. If you are doing SHE, you should know everything on that list. Re-read it now. Here are some of the questions it raises that you should check in your essay: Is your essay focused on the question? Does it have an introduction with an outline, summary and argument? Is it tightly referenced using the Harvard method? Have you referenced more than quotes? Is the essay in your own words? Is it about theory and does it explain that theory? Have you understood what a well-argued essay is and does the content of the essay demonstrate the argument in the introduction?

    Many other courses will also give some guidance - although it will not usually be that detailed.

    SHE1 and SHE2 students must read the advice found by following the red link from their essay title on the Student List. [You can find the same advice by going to SHE Essays]

    The redlink advice is your main route to help on SHE - If you do not study it and follow its links, you are missing out badly

    The advice explains what you are required to do for the essay, what sources must be used and where to find the guidance on referencing for your essay. Redlink advice is altered and added to as the course proceeds. It provides feedback to all students doing a question and you will miss important feedback if you do not check it regularly.

Make sure that you use the sources required for an essay and that you use them in the way suggested.

If a course requires you to base your essay on primary sources, for example, you should expect to fail if you present an essay based on secondary sources.

    Click here for an explanation of the terms primary source, secondary source and required sources

    On SHE2 students work is to be based on primary sources, which are usually specified in the instructions. The module is partly about interpreting the original work of authors. If a student uses primary sources, but relies heavily on secondary sources to interpret the primary source, he or she avoids doing what was asked and does not learn the skill of interpreting original sources. This is why we have the rule that 12 is the maximum mark that can be awarded for a SHE2 essay based mainly on secondary sources. One that is not referenced at all to primary sources may be given no marks, if the question requires the source.

    Click here for the SHE Rules
    Check your referencing
    See if it fails you
    Inadequate referencing is the main cause of SHE failures

Make sure that words you have used from other people are distinguished from your own words by quotation marks and referencing.

Click here for guidance on quotations and related issues

Make sure that your essay has an introduction, distinct from the body, that tells the reader what it is about, with an outline of the essay, a summary of the essay and a statement of your argument.

An essay without an outline in the introduction suggests that the essay is unstructured and unfocused. It suggests that the writer did not analyse the title and plan the essay. This is not the impression you want to give.

An essay without a good outline in the introduction will give a poor first impression of even an excellent essay. On the other hand, an outline that matches the structure can enable the reader to work out what the writer means even in a poorly expressed essay.

Click here for guidance on introductions
You should follow the links for
outline, argument and summary
and look at the sample introduction

Some students have an argument and/or a summary of their essay at the end. Consider the advantage of moving this into the introduction

Most essays have an argument - but it is often hidden in the body of the essay and not stated in an argument statement in the introduction. See if you can find the argument of your essay. Read what an academic argument is - You are looking for the case you have made - not an attack on someone - and construct a statement of it for the introduction.

Make sure that the structure of your essay follows the outline in the introduction. For each paragraph, (or small group of paragraphs dealing with one topic), there should be a topic in the outline. Conversely, each topic in the outline should be matched by a paragraph (or group) in the body of the essay. The order of topics should be the same in the introduction and the body.

Click here for guidance on structuring essays

Make sure that you understand everything that you write and that you write clearly.

Clear ideas expressed in plain English will give you control over what you are writing. If there are parts of your essay that a staff marker cannot understand, the presumption will be that you did not fully understand what you wrote. This may not be true. Sometimes a student essay is difficult to understand because he or she is working hard to express difficult ideas. Such an essay needs revising to make the English clearer (which often means simpler) and to explain technical terms that are used.

Thoroughly proof read your essay - and get a friend to do so for you.
Use the marking guide to identify the qualities of your essay, and which ones you should now improve.
Check presentation for electronic submission

Well Done - be nice to yourself!   




Study links outside this site
Andrew Roberts' web Study Guide
Picture introduction to this site
Top of Page Take a Break - Read a Poem
Click coloured words to go where you want

Andrew Roberts likes to hear from users:
To contact him, please use the Communication Form





Introduction essential
outline + argument + summary = introduction

Structure must follow outline

Use the right sources and reference well
Other people's words in quotes

SHE specific advive

Understand everything you write
write in clear English

Proof read

Self assess

Present appropriately







It is a cold world out there



A naked draft
may not freeze
to death,
but it is
embarrassed


A naked essay
does freeze
to death

Do not present
drafts or essays
without clothes

Give them a good
introduction and
reference them well