2.5.1962 Valerie "actively contemplating killing herself with an
overdose of tablets" (Charing Cross Registrar)
June 1962 Valerie's school report said that "Valerie's attitude
to her studies and her behaviour remain impeccable". She had no absences.
But she got surprisingly low marks in subjects like English and Religious
Instruction where she normally did well. In English she came 12th. Her
"relatively low examination mark was due to mis-reading of a question". In
Art, however, she came first. In the autumn of 1962, Valerie was absent for
the second half of the term.
31.10.1962 Valerie seen in the Out Patient's department of Charing Cross
Hospital by a Registrar to a Consultant in
Psychological Medicine. The Registrar wrote that she suffered from
"endogenous depression of suicidal proportions".
"Examination showed a timid, hesitant, meek and mild, long haired,
bespectacled girl who was spontaneous, and showed no evidence of psychosis.
The prognosis for her illness is not good, but meanwhile we have given her
a prescription of Tofranil 25 mg q.d.s. and will keep an eye on her in Out
Patients Department."
"The patient initially took ill some two and a half years ago
while away on holiday with friends of the family. She was seen at that time
by a local psychiatric service. On return home she took an overdose of
tablets prescribed by her G.P. and was admitted to a Unit at Colchester for
November and December 1962. From there she was transferred to the
ingrebourne Centre and remained a patient until so 10 weeks prior to
admission to this hospital. There have been frequent suicidal attempts."
(Belmont Case Summary May 1964)
November? 1962, Valerie was admitted as an inpatient to a
Colchester
Hospital. Her own account of her admission
differs from that in
the following medical record, written by a doctor in the therapeutic
community that rescued her [as she saw it] from Essex Hall:
"She has been an in-patient of the Royal Eastern Counties Hospital, Essex
Hall, Colchester, which is a hospital for mental defectives. She was sent
there as other suitable accommodation was not available, following an
attempt at suicide by holding her head in a basin of water. She is an
intelligent girl with an IQ of 120 and has been attending Hornchurch
Grammar School" (DB/KM 22.1.1963)
Valerie re-lived cruelty and kindness in Essex Hall in a long entry in her
journal on 24.3.1982:
Spoons and tin plates. The cold. Chapped sore thighs and buttocks, and the
skin sloughing when they washed the shit off. Soreness there, and on my
wrists, where I'd scratched and bitten them. And bruises everywhere. The
casual way they slapped you. The way no one, dad, the doctors, the
chaplain, ever protested about them hitting us. The doses of laxatives for
punishment [,] the ones that thought it funny, or got annoyed if you
protested about scalding bath water, shampoo rubbed in your eyes as well as
hair, pushing me over when I was doing dirty linen in the sluice so it went
all over me, and then wouldn't open the washroom for me. The shame of
doctors rounds, and all the students being taught on you. The times I
couldn't keep the tension in, even knowing they'd tie me up or even
worse...
And I didn't really want or dare to respond to the young doctor, because it
would have meant acknowledging how horrible the rest was. But he still
used to come sometimes, and bring me sweets, and sit and hold my hand and
talk about things he'd done and seen, a physical hurt treated, a walk in
the park, why he wanted to put a shelf up in his room. I could usually say
hello, and smile, but I don't think much more.
No glasses, no paper or pencils, no way of not thinking, except looking at
the other women. Most of them couldn't speak. It was one of the lowest
grade wards, where they all needed lots of attention - not that they got
it... Some of them did things with their hands, some made noises, some
were like vegetables..
They didn't even bother to decorate the ward at Christmas. There was a
party at OT though, with balloons and cake, and a present for each of us, I
think of sweets. The young doctor gave me a jar of face cream. I scarcely
ever used it but I kept it for years. I don't know what happened to it, I
can't imagine throwing it away.
26.12.1962 to 6.3.1963 The big freeze. Valerie thought an
ice-age was returning.
"1963: 14 Transferred to
Ingrebourne Centre, started receiving benefit,
met Andrew and started relationship"
"We really took her because it seemed so terrible to leave her in this
environment" (Ingrebourne Doctor 17.3.1964)
Tuesday 22.1.1963 Letter from "Dr
D. Barker MB-BS Psychiatric Registrar"
to Valerie's GP (The Dr G.A.K.
Steen) "I saw this young girl for Dr Crocket on Monday, 21st January 1963".
"we propose to begin therapy here by bringing her in to the hospital for a
weekend in the first instance"
Saturday 26.1.1963 and Sunday 27.1.1963 were the first weekend after
Valerie's interview with Dr Barker.
25.3.1963 Letter from
Ronald St Blaize Moloney to Dr Bartlett, Education
Department, County Hall. He was trying to get a place for her in a boarding
school.
21.4.1963 Valerie 15.
Some of her Writing